I’m not going to renew the domain or web hosting in April. I think that’s final.

It has been an absolutely amazing couple of years having this freedom. Being able to learn about and use PHP and MySQL, having a hellofalot of webspace to use for whatever I want, all of the people I’ve met because of having this domain… I will be sad to see it go. But, everything has to end sometime, right? I just have no use for this anymore. I don’t play TCGs, I’m not in the Q*Bee, I hardly ever have time to blog… it really would be best if I stopped wasting my parents’ money. I’ll probably continue having a place to ‘blog’, but it’ll be one of the free sites, like Blogger or Wordpress. I’m going to point all emails to my old gmail account which I find myself checking nearly every day again now after… well, for some weird reason, anyway. And I’m going to make myself forget all the fun I used to have with html, ftp, php etc. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to use any of it again, and although I’m sad, I really don’t need it these days.

It’s been great, really it has. But I really don’t see how I could get fully interested in this domain again now. I’m not even a massive fan of the whole Forgotten-Twilight thing anymore. It’s so… well, I thought of it when I was fourteen, so maybe that gives you some kind of idea of what I mean. Maybe one day I’ll think of a more appropriate domain name. If I ever get that far again, that is.

I really miss this place, but at the end of the day, I see no reason to keep it going. I’ll probably keep myself in this ‘world’ and keep checking all the blogs I like etc, so some of you may still see me around occasionally. But otherwise, after April 4th F-T will be no more. I would close it earlier, but a) they’ve just taken money out for another 3 months, b) I might change my mind by April, haha and c) April is when the domain runs out anyway, so may as well make sure they’re both gone at the same time. It’s easier that way.

I might have something to say before then, but if not, thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog over the two years. It has all been so worthwile to know that people still check up, even though I’m a useless blogger.

God, I feel like putting on a ceremony or something. F-T has been such a big part of my life, I swear. Going to feel weird without it.

Oh well. Onwards and upwards.

I’m not sure if anyone actually bothers to keep track of my blogs anymore, but oh well. I thought I might as well post something.

Anyway. So I guess it’s ten days until that time of the year that always brings me the most happiness – THAT’S CRIMBO, GUYS. Are you excited? I’m excited. Not just for the presents though. I’m hearing christmas songs when I go into shops to do my christmas shopping, and all the adverts have those glittery snowflake effects on them. There’s snow forecast sometime this week. AND school’s nearly finished, and I’m telling you, I could do with this long(ish) break. There are so many things I want to do that I’m too tired to do during the week, so having some free time where I don’t have to worry too much about work will be amazing. Especially since I now actually have someone to spend my time with.

NaNoWriMo completely failed this year, but I guess it was inevitable. I managed to write a total of 15,156 words before giving up altogether, and now when I read it all back I realise just what a load of useless bullshit it was. I can’t believe how much I was kidding myself in thinking that I’d be able to repeat the success of Losing Place with less than a week’s preparation. There was a reason I managed over 80,000 words last year during November, and that reason just didn’t exist this time. Anyway, enough of this misery. I’ve given up writing now until after christmas at least, with the hope that when I come back to it I’ll have the motivation and creativity to be able to finish something. Maybe I might even manage to get better at it. Maybe.

I’ve been thinking alot about this site during my absense from the blogging thing. I’m wondering if it’s really a good idea to keep it going when I hardly use it anymore except for the emails. My parents are very much struggling with their finances – particularly since my mother’s been off work ill – yet it is their bank account that my hosting gets taken out of every few months. I think it’s terribly unfair. I’ve thought many times that I would be better off getting rid of it and sticking with something free like Blogger (which I’m quite enjoying at the moment, to be honest) to stop myself from worrying and feeling guilty, but then I always fight back with myself and argue that F-T is my baby now, and I don’t know what I’d do without it. I’m too used to having the freedom with Wordpress and FTP and everything, that I’d probably get annoyed without it. But it’s ridiculous, cause I hardly look twice at any of it anymore except for the daily check of my email inbox (and I don’t even get many of them anymore, seeing as I gave up TCGs however long ago). In reality, I wouldn’t be missing much. I’m just not at all into this blogging stuff anymore.

One thing I did think of doing to spark my interest again was to completely change what Forgotten-Twilight actually is. At the moment it’s a blog, and that’s all. But maybe if I actually gave it a purpose, I’d have more fun maintaining it. Since I still read books quite a lot (although that’s been a bit sparce lately, damn schoolwork) I was thinking of changing it into a book reviewing site thing, or just ultimately making it into a writing/literature blog. But I’m not sure. Not sure at all what I’m going to do. I’m having fun using Blogger, so I have a feeling I’m just going to stop my hosting and domain in April and return to using free blogging sites. And maybe, once I begin to get regular monies in my bank, I’ll be able to open up a new website. But I’ll need to be interested in it again to have the heart to do that.

Hmm.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, but there’s no doubt that this’ll probably be the only post I make in a while. If I don’t have a chance to closer to the time, I’d like to wish everyone a happy christmas and new year now. This year has been absolutely awesome to be honest – I’m going to be sad to see it go. Hopefully 2010 will bring more than just me freaking out over the fact that we’ll be entering a new decade. Maybe I’ll attempt Project 365 again, haha. But until then I’m going to enjoy the last few weeks of 2009. For once I’m making the most of my time, it seems. I’m finally content with my life; no one knows how hard it’s been for me to reach this state of mind.

So yeah. Hope you all have a great Christmas and New Year. I hope you too make the most out of these next few weeks; I hope you get all that you want, and all that you need. I hope you see your families and have the best time ever listening to them talk and laugh. I really, really hope whatever controls our lives will be nice to you all from now on. I know it’s been nice to me.

Hello again.

Although I was actually supposed to have been doing research for English, I decided that I was pretty sick of the previous layout and had to get stuck into making a new one. I’m telling ya, that summer completely erased everything I once knew about making layouts out of my head. I had no idea what I was doing, half the time. It’s done now, though, and as you can see, the content is much wider than it was before, hopefully making it easier and better to read. I also merged and updated my ‘about’ page, and added a load of nifty icons in the footer. I decided to ditch the whole having-my-latest-tweet-displayed-in-the-header because I could never get it to look right, and the ‘links’ page was never being updated so it’s down for now. Other than that, not much has been changed, and hopefully everything still works and looks good.

And now I’m off to do some work. I hate how I have no motivation to do any at home, despite knowing the consequences. But then, in follow up to my previous post, the stress decided to hit me this week (although I’m thinking it was more to do with my.. er.. time of the month than anything else, except perhaps the weight on my shoulders I described in my tweet) so this weekend is a kind of stop-myself-from-doing-something-stupid thing. I swear, the things that have been running through my head these past few days are really shameful. TGIS, I say (that still works, right?). Monday and Tuesday are going to be hell, I foresee, because of my Art deadline, but hopefully next week as a whole will be a lot easier. Things are beginning to settle with my timetable and I’m beginning to realise what I can acomplish in free periods, so soon enough this whole sixth-form thing will be a breeze. A head’s up, though; I know I haven’t been sticking to any kind of routine lately, but blogging will be scarce from now on – during the week, at least – at least until the October half term. This layout will probably stay up until Christmas, unless I have the time to change it beforehand.

Ciao, me hearties. Yarr.