It’s been fun, but I’ll be glad to be rid of this unwanted burden at last.

It has been an absolutely amazing couple of years having this freedom. Being able to learn about and use PHP and MySQL, having a hellofalot of webspace to use for whatever I want, all of the people I’ve met because of having this domain… I will be sad to see it go. But, everything has to end sometime, right? I just have no use for this anymore. I don’t play TCGs, I’m not in the Q*Bee, I hardly ever have time to blog… it really would be best if I stopped wasting my parents’ money. I’ll probably continue having a place to ‘blog’, but it’ll be one of the free sites, like Blogger or Wordpress. I’m going to point all emails to my old gmail account which I find myself checking nearly every day again now after… well, for some weird reason, anyway. And I’m going to make myself forget all the fun I used to have with html, ftp, php etc. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to use any of it again, and although I’m sad, I really don’t need it these days.

It’s been great, really it has. But I really don’t see how I could get fully interested in this domain again now. I’m not even a massive fan of the whole Forgotten-Twilight thing anymore. It’s so… well, I thought of it when I was fourteen, so maybe that gives you some kind of idea of what I mean. Maybe one day I’ll think of a more appropriate domain name. If I ever get that far again, that is.

I really miss this place, but at the end of the day, I see no reason to keep it going. I’ll probably keep myself in this ‘world’ and keep checking all the blogs I like etc, so some of you may still see me around occasionally. But otherwise, after April 4th F-T will be no more. I would close it earlier, but a) they’ve just taken money out for another 3 months, b) I might change my mind by April, haha and c) April is when the domain runs out anyway, so may as well make sure they’re both gone at the same time. It’s easier that way.

I might have something to say before then, but if not, thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog over the two years. It has all been so worthwile to know that people still check up, even though I’m a useless blogger.

God, I feel like putting on a ceremony or something. F-T has been such a big part of my life, I swear. Going to feel weird without it.

Oh well. Onwards and upwards.

Anyway. So I guess it’s ten days until that time of the year that always brings me the most happiness – THAT’S CRIMBO, GUYS. Are you excited? I’m excited. Not just for the presents though. I’m hearing christmas songs when I go into shops to do my christmas shopping, and all the adverts have those glittery snowflake effects on them. There’s snow forecast sometime this week. AND school’s nearly finished, and I’m telling you, I could do with this long(ish) break. There are so many things I want to do that I’m too tired to do during the week, so having some free time where I don’t have to worry too much about work will be amazing. Especially since I now actually have someone to spend my time with.

NaNoWriMo completely failed this year, but I guess it was inevitable. I managed to write a total of 15,156 words before giving up altogether, and now when I read it all back I realise just what a load of useless bullshit it was. I can’t believe how much I was kidding myself in thinking that I’d be able to repeat the success of Losing Place with less than a week’s preparation. There was a reason I managed over 80,000 words last year during November, and that reason just didn’t exist this time. Anyway, enough of this misery. I’ve given up writing now until after christmas at least, with the hope that when I come back to it I’ll have the motivation and creativity to be able to finish something. Maybe I might even manage to get better at it. Maybe.

I’ve been thinking alot about this site during my absense from the blogging thing. I’m wondering if it’s really a good idea to keep it going when I hardly use it anymore except for the emails. My parents are very much struggling with their finances – particularly since my mother’s been off work ill – yet it is their bank account that my hosting gets taken out of every few months. I think it’s terribly unfair. I’ve thought many times that I would be better off getting rid of it and sticking with something free like Blogger (which I’m quite enjoying at the moment, to be honest) to stop myself from worrying and feeling guilty, but then I always fight back with myself and argue that F-T is my baby now, and I don’t know what I’d do without it. I’m too used to having the freedom with Wordpress and FTP and everything, that I’d probably get annoyed without it. But it’s ridiculous, cause I hardly look twice at any of it anymore except for the daily check of my email inbox (and I don’t even get many of them anymore, seeing as I gave up TCGs however long ago). In reality, I wouldn’t be missing much. I’m just not at all into this blogging stuff anymore.

One thing I did think of doing to spark my interest again was to completely change what Forgotten-Twilight actually is. At the moment it’s a blog, and that’s all. But maybe if I actually gave it a purpose, I’d have more fun maintaining it. Since I still read books quite a lot (although that’s been a bit sparce lately, damn schoolwork) I was thinking of changing it into a book reviewing site thing, or just ultimately making it into a writing/literature blog. But I’m not sure. Not sure at all what I’m going to do. I’m having fun using Blogger, so I have a feeling I’m just going to stop my hosting and domain in April and return to using free blogging sites. And maybe, once I begin to get regular monies in my bank, I’ll be able to open up a new website. But I’ll need to be interested in it again to have the heart to do that.

Hmm.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, but there’s no doubt that this’ll probably be the only post I make in a while. If I don’t have a chance to closer to the time, I’d like to wish everyone a happy christmas and new year now. This year has been absolutely awesome to be honest – I’m going to be sad to see it go. Hopefully 2010 will bring more than just me freaking out over the fact that we’ll be entering a new decade. Maybe I’ll attempt Project 365 again, haha. But until then I’m going to enjoy the last few weeks of 2009. For once I’m making the most of my time, it seems. I’m finally content with my life; no one knows how hard it’s been for me to reach this state of mind.

So yeah. Hope you all have a great Christmas and New Year. I hope you too make the most out of these next few weeks; I hope you get all that you want, and all that you need. I hope you see your families and have the best time ever listening to them talk and laugh. I really, really hope whatever controls our lives will be nice to you all from now on. I know it’s been nice to me.

I wish everyone who’s participating good luck in their novels. If anyone wants to add me as a writing buddy, feel free!

I wish the guys at NaNo would get the wordcount widgets working sharpish. Then I can put one on here and be all ‘LOOK AT MY WORDS!!’ x] This is going to be so fun this year, albeit harder than last year.

1,201 words down. 48,799 to go!

NaNoWriMo is six days away, but, apart from a loose plot and one or two characters, I have no idea what I’m doing.

What it is, is simply a lack of motivation. I’ve been out of the writing thing for so long that, unlike last year, I’m finding it incredibly difficult to get back into things. So far, I’ve written out the entire plot (but with many holes) and finished just one full character profile. What I was planning on doing was getting at least three character profiles completed, rewrite the plot outline to fill any holes, and then create one of the spreadsheets I made last year to calculate the wordcount. Said spreadsheet would also be a chapter-by-chapter run-through of the entire novel which I would use to keep my inspiration and motivation.

That’s what I made last year, anyway. And I won last year, with over 80,000 words. This year, though, I barely have a complete plot, let alone a chapter-by-chapter explanation! I only know the names of three of the characters, and the personality of just one. I don’t know how long this story will go on for, or if it’ll even cover 50,000 words!

But, this could be a good thing, right? the whole point in NaNo is to just dive in and write, rightright? Just because the complete planning technique worked last year, doesn’t mean it’ll help this year, when I have more schoolwork to do and less motivation to do it. Just diving in and writing when I can may just spawn its own plot and characters – it may end up that I wouldn’t have had to do any planning!

But I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll get the motivation to continue planning later in the week, and on Saturday I’ll make sure to get something done before I start writing at midnight. I’m not sure if I should be worried at this point, though – the way things are going, it seems like writing this year will be completely different to writing last year, and there were many different things that helped me keep writing last year that I may not have this year. I really don’t want to end up giving up, but at the same time it won’t matter that much if I don’t win. It’s just the experience, right?